Negai Kanae Tamae : Grant My Wish

If you know me at all, I’m a rough around the edges, Hokuto no Ken/Riki-Oh/Tough loving girl. So when my friend of many years came to me in tears and told me that she wanted me to read this yaoi manga (which back then, she was reading the Chinese version) I was like, “sure.” I was addicted, if I didn’t read yaoi manga or fanfic, someone in school that day would have been seriously injured or thrown into a garbage can. I like to introduce this comic to my friends as “the story of me if I was a man.”

The main character is a yakuza guy named Fukami Hiroshi, but the story is told in the perspective of Kinukawa, a gay piano and pastry make and man you can’t get more gay than that without going into Antique Bakery territory. But let me tell you, this ain’t no flimsy, sweet and slice of life Antique Bakery rip off. Unless you’re life is like my life and my life is like Fukami’s life and year after reading, I understand why Chickachy gave me Negai Kanae Tamae/Grant my Wish to read.

Fukami is not you typical bottom… Even Naono Bohra masculine uke, he’s has sex with women, kills people, harasses his subordinates. He’s no tsundere, there is no dere. He’ll cut your face if you go to far, throw a vase at you. I like Fukami, he keeps it real.

WARNINGS!!! There is real deal RAPE and substance abuse, growing up around substance abusers and watching my friend becoming addicted to cocaine and longer be himself–yeah, it hurts to read. It’s cringing when you see Fukami Hiroshi taking rails (as I call them) of drugs. To see a victim of rape deal with rape and react realistically to rape, I experienced a reaction similar to the one in this manga and can say: “man….”

It’s real hardcore. The art is not pretty, it’s not supposed to be pretty and get’s the point across.

This manga is hella sad. The sad, yakuza or Asian gangster movie way, where you see a character who is such a monster and instead of loathing and hating him, you cry when he gets gunned down because he’s so sincere, human and sympathetic.

This is a yaoi manga. There is gay sex and multiple scenes of rape. There are also scenes of heterosexual sex, but Fukami Hiroshi is so removed from the experience that people walk in and out as casually as his dick slides in and out of a woman. Almost as casual and laid back as a love scene in Golgo 13, the male sex scenes are dark, it’s hard to describe so if you’re shouting: “Where are my dickings?” you’ll get them and regret that you asked.

The content is pretty upsetting.

There were parts that hit too close to home for me and made me cry and I’m pretty hardened to the point where people have to yell at me to cry at funerals. Seeing parts of me and my life in this manga so raw was painful, like pulling off a square layer of flesh from my arm like loose carpet. Not being able to relate to others. Touch others.

I guess, the majority of the reader’s will read Negai Kanae Tamae from Kinukawa’s perspective rather thank Fukami Hiroshi’s the way I did.

There get’s to a point in your life where you look at yourself and accept that you might be a monster, even if you want to become a human again the transition back into a normal is not easy. Not everyone has someone has someone to save them, even if they do, most give up when they realize the scale of work that needs to be done.

Fixing someone mentally is a job that is taxing not done overnight and takes the work of a community of family and friends as well the individuals. It takes a lot of effort and investment to change you as an individual and even then it’s not worth it if you don’t have a reason to and are accustomed to a life of violence.

You end you hurting the people around you because you are too strong, the bumbling way that people crush ants.

Even though that was not your intention, it is the result and the end result is the end result no matter how the kindly progression occurred.

If you like Akagi and Kaiji, you will definitely like this manga. There isn’t any gambling, but if you liked the seedy crime and gangster parts, you will like this manga. It’s not a slice of life, but you liked Antique Bakery you might like this due to its simplistic art style.

I can with confidence say that it’s one of those great yaoi mangas because it is real. It doesn’t ostracize its reader by being aloof. I like Antique Bakery, but I found that the snobby attitudes of some parts were off putting or maybe that was the characters.

If you haven’t read /Grant My Wish by Nishida Higashi, go out and give it a read. It’s scanslated. I would not lead astray, it’s a really good manga.


Do read if you liked: Akagi | Kaiji | Antique Bakery

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